Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
