I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
