I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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