oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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