I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
