Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize