I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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