Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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