oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
