he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize