Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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