You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
