Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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