Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize