I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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