Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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