it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
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She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
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Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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