yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Everyone says I win the strip club
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
