I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
