Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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