So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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