Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
