the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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