My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
