hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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