I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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