carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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