Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
