yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
