my vag is so smooth its legendary
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
