Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
