Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
