At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
