How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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