All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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