It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
