Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
