I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.