You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
