Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
