yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize