Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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