I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
