You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
