I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
