We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
