Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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