I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
