summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Randomize
