There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
