Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
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like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
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Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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