It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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