I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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