this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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