Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Randomize
