We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
