I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
