I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
