I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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