he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
